Women are financial power players. So why don't they feel like it?

The financial landscape is shifting faster than women’s confi dence can catch up. In nearly half of U.S. marriages, women earn as much as or more than their husbands. In 16%, they are the primary breadwinner.

The Great Wealth Transfer will move a projected $124 trillion into majority-female hands in the largest intergenerational transfer of wealth in history. Our research at Women Doing Well further substantiates what many of us already know from our lives: women are heavily involved in or leading their families’ giving decisions.

Yet less than half of women feel confident managing investments. Many don't feel they have a meaningful say in their family's financial strategy at all.

This is the gap I've spent the last decade trying to close. What I’ve found is that women often already have the knowledge to make savvy financial decisions – and those that don’t can quickly learn. But there is a mindset gap that will take more effort to close. Moving from participant to decision-maker, from supporter to driver, requires a shift in how a woman sees herself.

It’s time to shift beyond this dynamic. To do so, it’s helpful to understand the history that has led us here.

There are generations of accrued social and self-conditioning that we need to overcome in order to flourish financially. When I was young, I remember hearing my father say that “no wife of his would ever work.” He is a good man who loved his family well, and he meant it as a sign of success. He was providing so my mother didn’t have to. What he didn't realize was the message it sent to me, his daughter: that my ambitions should one day take a back seat to my husband's.

He was a product of his time. American women couldn't own property independently until the late 1960s. We couldn't have a credit card without a male co-signer until 1974. We couldn't vote until 1920. Many of the most foundational tools for building wealth were withheld from us until roughly the time Generation X was born. We are barely into our second generation of free, independent wealth acquisition and management.

It’s time to leave this all behind and encourage women to take greater ownership of the contributions they already make. But women don’t need to make this shift alone.

The most financially confident women I know didn't get there in isolation. They got there through relationships with mentors, peers, advisers, and yes, with husbands and families who invited them fully into the conversation.

So where do we start?

For women, I recommend finding the most financially confident woman you know and ask her how she got there. Seek out women who have done the work of discovering their own values, passions and giving priorities. Their experience can help you find your own. Our research bears this out: confident philanthropy in women is strongly correlated with the amount they give. Women who understand their purpose for giving, and have had a chance to practice it, give more.

You should also build a real relationship with your financial adviser now. Don't wait until you're forced into the role of decision-maker by circumstance. Become part of your family's financial and giving conversations today, alongside your spouse. Schedule one-on-one time with your adviser to speak candidly about your concerns, your hopes, and your vision for your family's legacy. The most powerful thing a woman can do fi nancially is make sure her adviser understands her as a decision maker in her own right.

Lastly, speak openly about finances with your family. Bring both spouses’ voices fully into the room. Set the example for your sons and daughters that you wish your parents set for you. When spouses navigate fi nancial decision-making together as equal partners, families are stronger, giving is more intentional, and the next generation inherits something far more valuable than money.

We have a genuine opportunity right now to build something better for our daughters: a generation of women who lead fi nancially with wisdom and generosity, supported by their families and communities.

Julie Wilson is president of Women Doing Well, a nonprofi t on a mission to activate women in purposeful generosity—because the world needs what women do when they know their purpose, passion and have a plan for their unique generosity.