Connecting with clients requires advisors to show their own vulnerability

'If you crack yourself open, they'll crack themselves open alongside you. It makes the focus of your relationship about the truth,' Lupe Camargo said at the InvestmentNews Women Advisor Summit.

Lupe Camargo choked up as she told a story about her husband’s eulogy for his mother at her funeral.

Camargo, a financial planner at Perspective Financial Services, said she was moved as people came up to her husband afterwards and said, “That’s how your mom would want to be remembered.”

Camargo’s open emotion in front of about 250 audience members at the InvestmentNews Women Advisor Summit in Chicago is something that also can come out when she’s working with clients who are going through the loss of a loved one or another difficult life transition.

“My superpower [is that] I’m not afraid to be vulnerable in front of my clients,” she said on a panel that explored navigating change and uncertainty.

Advisors can strengthen their connections with clients if they express empathy with their struggles and show that they have confronted the same challenges.

“If you crack yourself open, they’ll crack themselves open alongside you,” Camargo said on the sidelines of the IN conference. “It makes the focus of your relationship about the truth.”

Listening and asking questions, if your clients are open to it, are two of the best ways to help them through any kind of challenging life change.

“The principles of support are the same across the board,” Amy Florian, CEO of Corgenius, said during the panel.

For instance, when clients retire, they may not be blissfully anticipating time off. They may be deeply concerned about what their identity will be outside of their careers. They may appreciate the chance to talk about what it’s like to go into this stage of life.

An advisor can be the one to start the conversation by asking them what they would want others to know about this transition.

“It’s amazing what happens when you are in that safe space,” said Heidi Helmeke, founder and president of Enspyre Wealth Advisors.

Advisors don’t need to worry too much about saying the wrong thing, Helmeke said. “Nobody is ever offended.”

When clients are grieving, offer specific kinds of help, Florian said. For instance, perhaps you could assist them in making phone calls to people who need to know about the passing of a loved one or help them address envelopes for thank you notes for gestures of support. Perhaps an advisor could just offer to get coffee and give them a chance to decompress.

“Never just ask them what they need,” Florian said. “You call them and give them options.”

Clients may go through different stages of grief. Sometimes it can hit without warning.

“Grief sneaks up on you when you least expect it,” said Carolyn Armitage, president of Thrivent Advisor Network. “Be flexible and fluid with that.”

Armitage told the audience about a technique she uses when feeling overwhelmed. She gathers herself, looks at her hands — front and back — and says, “I’ve got this.”

It’s a message clients might need to hear, too.