Family wealth conversations: UBS experts share strategies that work

Talking about money is never easy, especially when it involves inheritance, and in many wealthy families, conversations about who gets what, when, and why can feel uncomfortable or even taboo.

But UBS’s Judy Spalthoff and Libby Stantial have been telling InvestmentNews how avoiding the subject may create more problems than it solves and sharing the strategies that can help advisors get the conversation started.

“The biggest barrier is often discomfort and fear,” says Spalthoff, head of Family Office Solutions at UBS. “Many parents worry that discussing wealth will create entitlement or diminish motivation in their children.”

She points to findings from the 2024 Cerulli US HNW & UHNW Market Report which reveal that 64% of high-net-worth clients are uncomfortable sharing financial information with their children, and 44% are unwilling to relinquish control.

“Baby boomers, for example, often see money as a private or even taboo topic,” she adds. “However, delaying these conversations can lead to greater challenges later. Proactive, values-based dialogue helps families avoid misunderstandings and fosters responsible stewardship.”

For heirs hoping to start the conversation, Stantial, a UBS strategist who works with multigenerational families, advises starting from a place of curiosity rather than expectation.

“Younger generations increasingly value transparency and open dialogue,” she says. “Heirs can respectfully initiate conversations by focusing on values and family vision rather than specific numbers.”

Simple, open-ended questions can make a difference, Stantial notes.

“Asking things like ‘How do you envision our family’s future?’ or ‘What inspired your philanthropic choices?’ opens the door to meaningful discussion,” she says. “Start early and build trust over time—what we call ‘passing the torch by the handle, not the flame.’”

Generational differences often shape these conversations, but Stantial and Spalthoff say those gaps can be bridged.

“Older generations tend to prioritize privacy and control, while younger generations seek transparency and inclusion,” Spalthoff explains. UBS helps clients navigate these differences through what she calls a “purposeful dialogue” exercise that allows each family member to articulate what matters most to them.

“More often than not, across generations, values are more similar than different,” she says. “While beliefs or communication styles can differ, fundamentally they value the same things.”

That sense of shared purpose underpins what Spalthoff describes as the four Cs of cohesive family planning: clarity, communication, culture, and cohesion.

“When thinking through the potential impact of an inheritance, effective and intentional communication is key,” she says. “Starting with clarity, wealth creators should be clear on their financial goals and expectations for family members. These conversations, often through facilitated family meetings, build family cohesion which in turn strengthens the family culture over time.”

Storytelling, Stantial adds, can be one of the most powerful tools for strengthening that culture.

“The story of how a family came into wealth is pivotal—it can be a source of pride or shame, or both,” she says. “A typical ascending wealth narrative often simplifies the story: ‘we once had little, and through hard work and determination, built wealth.’ But a more authentic story includes the ups and downs—career setbacks, poor investments, even addiction or legal issues.”

Removing stigma around these moments, Stantial says, encourages honesty.

“When families talk openly about both successes and struggles, it helps clarify their values. Equipping loved ones with the full narrative enables them to understand the family’s story and helps them choose paths that resonate for them.”

For families where silence has persisted for years, Spalthoff says it’s never too late to start the conversation, without making families feel they have failed.   

“Rather than framing the conversation as overdue, focus on the opportunity to build a stronger future for generations to come,” she says, noting the usefulness of an advisor-facilitated conversation.  “We rarely struggle to help our clients create a catalyst to come together to talk about the business of being family.”

Younger generations can also play a role in rebuilding connection.

“The most productive dialogues start with thoughtful, open-ended questions,” says Stantial. “Ask about core beliefs, the story behind success, and hopes for the future. Questions that invite discussion about roles, responsibilities, and how to get involved in family decisions or philanthropy foster engagement. When conversations are grounded in curiosity and respect, they help align family members across generations and set the stage for responsible stewardship and a shared vision for the future.”

Spalthoff believes that truly successful wealth planning blends both technical precision and emotional intelligence.

“While technical strategies, like trusts, gifting, and tax-efficient structures, are essential for preserving wealth, equally important are intentional conversations about family values, individual needs, and the meaning of legacy,” she says. “Regular family meetings and clear articulation of goals help ensure that decisions are not just efficient, but also emotionally resonant. We often describe this as the difference between wealth transfer and wealth transitions.”

Families that take this proactive approach tend to share certain traits, Spalthoff adds.

“They articulate and share core values, respect individual differences, see parents as both teachers and learners, and sustain a sense of community through traditions. They also focus collectively on strengths, share family history across generations, and understand the developmental stages of each member,” she says.

Preparing the next generation, however, requires more than financial know-how. Stantial points to UBS’s Emerging Successors program, which “equips future inheritors with the knowledge and skills to become leaders and changemakers, not just beneficiaries.”

Ultimately, both experts agree that family wealth conversations are about much more than money.

“When families take the time to talk about what truly matters,” Spalthoff says, “they’re not just transferring assets—they’re passing down values, trust, and connection.”