Valentine's Day special! How advisors solve money problems and bring couples together

Love may keep a couple together. But money certainly helps.

Or at least it helps if a couple agrees on some basic money issues.

According to a 2025 SunTrust Bank survey, 35% of people blame finances for the stress they experience in their relationships. Greg Dukes, senior vice president at Aquinas Wealth Advisors, says the biggest financial disagreement couples have is spending versus saving.

“The classic scenario is that spouse is a saver and the other is a spender. One partner sees the long road and wants to save for big items and the other wants immediate enjoyment,” Dukes said.

The key to bridging this divide, according to Dukes, is open communication and creating a joint budget that gives both partners a voice. A financial advisor can help with these conversations, ensuring each goal is accounted for and each spouse is heard.

Bryan Bibbo, president & partner of JL Smith Holistic Wealth Management, however, takes a slightly different view. In his opinion, the biggest financial disagreement is not about spending versus saving, but control versus security. One partner often wants flexibility and enjoyment today, while the other wants certainty and protection for tomorrow.

“The solution isn’t compromise; it’s structure. When couples define clear ‘now, soon, and later’ buckets with agreed-upon purposes, they remove emotion from day-to-day decisions and give both partners permission to feel secure and free at the same time,” Bibbo said.

Meanwhile, Dustin Gale, senior wealth advisor at Kayne Anderson Rudnick Wealth Advisor, characterizes it another way, saying it is about weighing flexibility versus long‑term certainty. One partner may prioritize optionality and lifestyle freedom, while the other is focused on long‑term security and wealth preservation.

“I often encourage couples to agree on a baseline, such as directing 20% to 30% of income toward long‑term goals and adjust from there as life evolves. Anchoring decisions to shared objectives tends to ease daily tensions, and couples make better progress when they communicate openly about their financial aspirations,” Gale said.

For his part, Sanders Dargan, client advisor at Crescent Grove Advisors, says the biggest financial misstep he sees is couples segregating financial responsibilities. This has a trickle-down effect that leads to lack of transparency and misalignment of financial goals, according to Dargan.

“Disagreement is inevitable, but if there is not an ongoing, open dialogue where both parties can voice their opinions, that is when we start to see the deeper-rooted problems that tear relationships apart,” Dargan said.

Stressed Dargan: “Money itself does not deteriorate relationships, misalignment and lack of transparency do.”

A SINGLE 'MONEY RULE'

When it comes to a single “money rule” every couple should agree on, Dukes believes its “full transparency,” or in other words, no secret accounts or spending. Put simply, openness builds trust.

“We see a number of couples with monthly or quarterly ‘money meetings’ where they review finances together. This ensures both partners stay aligned on their goals that have been established and can tackle issues before they escalate,” Dukes said.

Bibbo’s rule is that every couple should agree that no major financial decision is made in isolation. That doesn’t mean equal involvement in every transaction, but it does mean shared awareness and consent on decisions that affect the household’s long-term trajectory.

“Transparency builds trust, and trust reduces financial anxiety more than any portfolio allocation ever could. When couples operate as a financial team, money becomes a tool, not a wedge,” Bibbo said.

Moving on, Gale believes every couple can benefit from agreeing on how big financial decisions get made before one shows up. Rather than a fixed dollar amount, he says many clients adopt a rule based on scale, like discussing any unplanned expense over 1% to 2% of annual income or anything impacting long-term goals. This keeps the rule relevant as wealth grows and avoids unnecessary micromanagement.

“From my perspective, having a structured decision-making process fosters more productive conversations, builds trust, and reduces friction over time,” Gale said.

MONEY MERGER MISCONCEPTIONS

Many couples – especially younger couples - think merging finances means losing independence or their self-worth. In reality, it’s the exact opposite, according to Dukes.

“You can have joint accounts for shared goals while maintaining personal accounts for individual spending. As long as these separate accounts are fully transparent to the other spouse so all the cards are on the table. The key is agreeing on the structure and making sure both partners feel heard,” Dukes said.

A common misconception Dargan sees when couples merge finances is the notion of a one-size-fits-all answer to how finances should be handled. Each situation is unique with varying levels of complexity that changes the formula on how to achieve your family’s goals in his opinion.

“Regardless of the path you choose to merging finances, if you take a methodical, transparent approach, you are more likely to avoid the problems commonly associated with money,” Dargan said.