Don’t treat wives like they’re invisible

Many wives would just as soon leave the family finances to their husbands, but smart financial advisers don’t let that happen.

“I know if I don’t get that other person involved, it won’t work,” said Kristin C. Harad, owner of VitaVie Financial Planning in San Francisco. “I make it my mission to bring the other person in and get them to see the value.”

When one spouse is less interested in money matters than the other, it tends to be the wife who defers to her husband. That can make it more difficult for couples to stick to a financial plan and contributes to the trend of women leaving their advisers after life-altering events.

In fact, 70% of women fire their adviser within a year of being widowed or divorced, according to data cited by Pershing Advisor Solutions LLC.

“When the husband dies, the wives feel like the adviser was never really their adviser,” said Jim Heisler, owner of Family Wealth Services LLC in Philadelphia. “That is the reason for the change.”

COMMON COMPLAINT

A common complaint of alienated wives is that they don’t feel heard, said Russell G. Thornton, whose practice specializes in women who have gone through a divorce or the loss of their husband.

Many women have told him that their husband’s adviser talked down to them, or seemed impatient for them to make decisions, said Mr. Thornton, vice president of Wealthcare Capital Management Inc. of Atlanta.

(Read the full InvestmentNews Women & Investing special report.)

That underscores a big difference that he sees between the way men and women absorb information. Although men are comfortable with bullet points of data, women want a more detailed understanding of an issue and then want to discuss all their options.

“Ask questions and listen to the answers. Don’t just wait for your next chance to talk,” Mr. Thornton said.

“Interacting with women requires a more patient and listening-driven approach,” he said.

“Some financial advisers feel like they need to tell women what the solution is, as opposed to having a conversation and asking questions,” said Jeffrey Stoffer, a principal of Stoffer Wealth Advisors LLC in San Rafael, Calif.

Such an authoritarian attitude makes women feel judged and less likely to volunteer their thoughts.

Mr. Stoffer runs a weekly group for women who want to take control of their finances.

Sometimes they need a little more nurturing, which includes encouraging them to talk about the emotions they have regarding money, such as worry or fear, he said.

If an adviser is looking for advice on how to work well with women, there is nothing wrong with asking your clients to help, Mr. Thornton said.

“Set up a small lunch and invite the wives of four of your clients. Tell them you are interested in doing a better job and you would like their feedback,” he said.

“There is nothing you can do that builds credibility and trust more quickly than giving people an opportunity to speak, and to listen to what they say.”

Another way to change your relationship with wives is to get a better handle on the “microsignaling” that occurs in every adviser-client relationship, said Kim Dellarocca, global head of segment marketing and practice management at Pershing LLC.

BAD HABITS

Pay attention to habits such as always facing the husband and talking directly to him when his wife is present, or discussing hobbies that are more male-oriented, which may make wives feel left out, she suggested.

Spend more time consciously directing attention to the wife, Ms. Dellarocca said.

“What I wind up doing is speaking more directly to the woman and making her feel like part of the conversation,” Mr. Heisler said.

Women who always take a back seat during quarterly meetings are the ones who are most likely to fire an adviser when they come into control of the family’s money, he said.

ANNUAL MEETINGS

Leslie Thompson, managing partner of Spectrum Management Group, said that she insists on meeting with both husband and wife at least once a year.

“One thing the adviser needs to be aware of is that sometimes the husband doesn’t want the wife involved,” she said. “It is an issue of control.”

For advisers who need to establish a better connection with wives who are long-term clients, “there is nothing wrong with being direct and saying, “We haven’t spent as much time with you as we’d like, and your confidence in this relationship is important to us,’” Ms. Dellarocca said.

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